Independence=Lonliness
Written at 9:58 p.m. on 2004-10-03
If there is anything I've learned from a broken heart, and having no choice but to be independent, it would be; there is no such thing as independence. Independent is a fake state of being. No one can be independent without being lonely and upset on the side. That is what I've learned in the past year.
So, you'd think I'd really learn? Never! After the whole ordeal with the ex bf, Larry... you'd think I'd try and stay single, nah. Quincidentily, I have a new Larry as a love interest. From now on, old Larry will now be Larry2 since he isn't worthy of spot 1, and new Larry will either be Larry, or just plain old NEW Larry.
Anywho, new Larry is beautiful. There are no words for him. But, at the time being, we are only really good friends, despite rumors and gossip. He's "dark skinned" too, I supose that is what I'll call him. I don't exactly go about talking about his color, because it really makes no diffence to me.
The guy I was "with", Nic, is over, I supose. We don't have sex anymore, not even casual, once every two weeks, sex... just none at all. Maybe it is because he broke my little lusting heart by being an ass to me in public, but behind closed doors, you'd swear he worshiped me. Psssh.
I want so badly to just be with someone, for real. I'm a senior in high school, I've kept the same job for over a year and 1/2. I've gotten two pay raises and a brand new truck. And I've only got myself to share it all with.
I'm sick of being independent. I want to have to depend on someone, and know that they depend on me as well. I don't know how to get there, I've met so many men, and none seem as right as what could have been, over a year ago.
I'm telling you though, I'll be damned if I'm still single within a month or two. I wont let that be...
I have my ways.
Goodnight, Ashley